For the last couple weeks, I have been slowly mapping out the details to eventually produce my very first public training workshop (planned for May), and as an ironic gesture, I’ll be holding it in the same town where a lot of my pain began. My emotions are all over…..nervous, scared, excited….all at once!
This has been a monumental goal of mine with Polykinetics for the last 6 years to do something like this, however, my social anxiety would always seem to get so severe, progress would always end up halting and then be pushed to the back burner of my mind.
I am hoping, praying and pleading that this workshop will be the magical moment that helps me PERMANENTLY overcome my social anxiety disorder. I have tried dozens of times of confronting my anxiety in the past (exposure therapy), but it has remained as persistent as I am. I just can’t seem to shake it, and bringing forth something as odd as Polykientics
Real quick, allow me to clarify that my social anxiety complications do not come from poor self-esteem on my part. I am a very confident individual, which is why I am able to be as functional as I am, day after day, even though I struggle severely with anxiety. My social anxiety stems from being bullied by so many different people, and the consequence of that is growing up thinking/feeling/believing that “everyone is a potential physical threat to my well being, and if they don’t like me, they’ll attack me” because that’s how it was in school with my bullies—I would be attacked out of nowhere and presumably for no reason—so yes, my anxiety derives from the perspective of personal safety, not coddling my ego.
One small aspect that is keeping me going……the outpouring of interested people who want to attend the workshop. It’s exciting to see people excited about a technique that I created in my kitchen after a really bad fight with my ex-husband. Who knew? In the first day of announcing my plans to have a workshop, I had a dozen messages wanting to sign up. So let’s hope for an amazing turnouts and the official death of my social anxiety!