So much more on the line this time.

When you boil it down it really does come down to this…..if I succeed, I’m a genius, and if I fail, I’m crazy/insane/delusional/irrational and a horrible mother for risking my daughter’s well being for my own selfish pursuits and on and on and on…..

I don’t believe that will happen, but then again, life has surprised the fuck out of me before, and so I never assume everything will be perfectly great and all rosy—in fact, I’m beyond scared if I don’t make this work, that I will completely destroy everything I had been working so hard to keep stable to the best of my physical and mental abilities for the last 4 years—and the possibility of such is a very sobering reality.

My next couple steps are going to be rather unconventional, and I know most won’t understand why I’m doing what I plan on doing, but knowing me, these unconventional steps, I believe, are so crazy, that they might actually work.

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